Alex Landeen

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Wants and Needs

December 27, 2014 by Alex Landeen 11 Comments

landeen_blog-4557 I want to sit by a fire with whiskey and listen to the wind and the water and the voices of my friends.
I need a place to go.
A tall man with thin white hair stands in front of me. There is a problem with the barcode and the clerk is having trouble. I wait in line and stare at the pink flashlights and yellow double-ended screwdrivers and key rings and doo-dads and knick-knacks.
A cashier is at the next register.
She waves in my direction and says,
I’ll take the next in line.
Across the store a woman struggles to remove a forty-pound bag of sunflower seeds from a display claiming Red Hot Buys.
The sun is out and it’s windy and in the parking lot a woman has locked her keys in her car. I can tell by the way she shakes around and repeatedly pulls the door handle and looks through the window. She has a brown paper grocery bag cradled in her left arm and a pale-yellow shirt.
I am the next in line.
The man behind me steps around and walks quickly over. He is short and wearing a brown leather jacket.
I want to drive North. I wouldn’t mind seeing some snow. Maybe I should buy some chains. They probably sell chains here.
Sir?
I look.
Weren’t you the next in line?
I shrug. The man in the brown leather jacket doesn’t look up from his items.
In a few days it will be 2015. I like the number fifteen. Half of thirty. Thirty is a good number, too. I am not sure about forty-five, though. I have no relationship with that number.
The tall man with the thin white hair lifts a plastic bag from the counter and turns away. He takes small careful steps and pulls his collar up. The doors swoosh and a few leaves tumble in as he walks out.
The clerk smiles at me. She has very pale skin and light blue-green eyes and is very pretty but not Hot. I imagine she has a dog. Maybe a yellow lab. I look for hair on her blue sweater and see none.
I step forward and place on the counter two Hillman 3/8in X 5in wedge anchors, two 3/8in flat washers, a 3/8in masonry bit and a small brown envelop on which is written the cost of the anchors and washers.
She pulls the items toward her.
I feel the need to call someone. There is nobody at my house. I am struck by loneliness but it passes. I am hungry. What’s in my fridge? I wonder what time her shift ends. She looks like she is in college. Too young. When did that happen?
The woman with the sunflower seeds is now behind me. She pushes the bag forward along the laminate floor with her foot and types on her phone. Something smells like lemons.
The clerk picks up the envelop and types into the computer.
Did you find everything you needed today?
That’s a hell of a question. Everything? I don’t think so. And needed? Past tense? It’s not even noon.
I need food. I need a place to go. I need to call someone. I need to drive and split wood and pour a drink in a place that smells like pine and dirt and wet. I need a connection. I need movement. I need to hurry. I need to slow down. I need things I have never heard of and will never know. I need everything and nothing all at once.
The doors swoosh and the leaves dance and the woman with the brown paper grocery bag and pale-yellow shirt walks in. She looks around as she walks and her eyes fall on the short man with the brown leather jacket and she angles toward him. She stops at his shoulder and says he is never going to believe what she just did. He doesn’t look up.
I smile at the clerk.
Yes, I have everything. Thank you.

Filed Under: Fly Fishing, Photography

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Comments

  1. Arizona Wanderings says

    December 28, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    This is deep. We should go fishing.

    Ben

    Reply
    • Alex Landeen says

      December 28, 2014 at 4:26 pm

      Yes. Let’s.

      Reply
  2. Joe Sanders says

    December 28, 2014 at 7:00 pm

    Its cold around my shoulders and I fight to get deeper into my sleeping bag. The chill of the night is starting to be rendered helpless against the approaching sunrise. I hear the hoot of an owl heralding the coming sunrise. My cot and sleeping bag offer more comfort than they did when we met last night. My eyelids struggle against the weight of slumber and gradually wake to morning. Its still dark outside and I need to pee, but the warmth of my bed bids me; stay longer, you can make it. As I wager a small war against the zipper on my sleeping bag I wonder if waiting was a smart decision. Finally the zipper releases me from my confines and I make it out of my tent to much needed relaxation. While I’m leaning against a tree relieving myself, I gaze toward the sky. Its a pale shade of dark to the eastern horizon, but black as pitch everywhere else. The gathering light in the eastern sky outlines the pines against the darkness and promises a warm day. Flashlight in hand, I make my way to my camp table and ignite the flame under the coffee pot that was made ready for this morning the night before. While the flame under the coffee hisses I make my way back to the tent to get dressed. When dressed I make my way back out to the coffee. It only takes about 15-20 more minutes until its ready and by then the sky has gathered more light. I can see the river now and the steam is rising off the water and creating a kind of wizard’s wonder land. Soon the coffee is poured and I’m relaxed, cup in hand, watching the morning mist struggling to free itself from the pines on the hill sides as it makes its way toward heaven. The smell of wet cedars permeates the air and the vision of trout rising to mayflies rounds out the morning’s events. The taste of coffee is good, and the warmth of the cup is friendly against my hands. Life is good right now, and I relax back to slumber for a short nap.

    Reply
    • Alex Landeen says

      December 29, 2014 at 1:11 pm

      Thanks for the imagery, Joe. I want to be there.
      Also, I have a soft plastic nalgene cantene with DO NOT DRINK written on it for times when the warmth of the sleeping bag is too fantastic to leave.

      Reply
  3. Mike Sepelak says

    December 28, 2014 at 8:12 pm

    I need to read this stuff more often. Want to, too. Good stuff, Alex.

    Reply
    • Alex Landeen says

      December 29, 2014 at 1:06 pm

      Thanks, Mike.
      You have been bringing it lately. All those fall colors!

      Reply
  4. Steven Brutger says

    January 3, 2015 at 7:20 am

    Well said, thanks for sharing. Happy New Year!

    Reply
    • Alex Landeen says

      January 3, 2015 at 1:20 pm

      Happy new year, Steve.

      Reply
  5. Alexis says

    January 3, 2015 at 6:09 pm

    ♡

    Reply
  6. Type-R says

    January 14, 2015 at 9:55 pm

    Well done, Alex, as always. I finally got around to reading this piece while waiting for a plane, in a hurry to get nowhere, fast. Now I am looking around contentedly, happy just to be here, having found everything I need. Thanks for slowing things down a bit and for the perspective.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Hey, It’s World Pertry Day | Fishing Jones says:
    March 23, 2015 at 9:47 am

    […] Wants and Needs […]

    Reply

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